Sunday, March 8, 2015

Dear Zac B. (#DearMe)

Well I suppose it's time to jump in on the proverbial bandwagon (because when has that stopped me before?) and take part in this #DearMe craze that's going on. Course with a generous peppering of sarcastic humor as always.

Ahem.

Dear Me.

If you're wondering how I successfully managed to pierce the boundaries of space and time itself to relay to you this message, don't. It involves a crap-ton math and scientific jargon that I don't think you'll quite be able to wrap your head around. Hell I can't even wrap my head around it. However, seeing as how I'm you from the future, I figured I'd give you some welcomed advice for you to use in the coming years.

If for some strange reason you decide to kick a glass window when you're like four years old, DON'T. It's a dumb idea and you should feel like an idiot for doing it. Also don't put your fingers in a car window and close it just to see how it feels. Seriously, what was the thought process behind that? I mean I know you're only four years old, but still.

Next, when you decide to Google the word "hentai" just out of curiosity to see what it means, immediately turn off your browser and step away from the keyboard. Believe me, you don't wanna go there. Cause those images will be forever burned into your mind.

Oh and this might be an important one here as well. When you meet a certain special someone who claims to have an interest in you and supposedly "likes you", kindly show said person to the door slam it in their face. Trust me, you'll save yourself a lot of hurt that way.

At one point when you get a chance to see Spider-Man 3, just know that it's all downhill from there. Cause believe me, the next two films make that look like Spider-Man 2 by comparison. Also Avi Arad sucks. But hey at the very least when you get to be my age, you'll be happy to know that Marvel has taken over the Spider-Man movies. So there's something to look forward to at least.

Also when Frozen comes out in theaters, migrate to another country for the next year and a half. Because the hype-train for it will be horrendously inescapable. That and it's an absurdly overrated film. 

Notice how in the future that you'll be using more big words in your sentences. Makes you sound smarter then you actually are. Course whatever you lack in smarts you'll make up for in sarcastic wit. Then again this will inevitably piss a few people off, but screw it, it won't matter when you get to be my age.

And finally, if someone tells you to stop being a wisecracking, sarcastic, stark-raving eccentric person who's passionate for filmmaking, comics, and LEGO, just ignore them. Cause it's who you are man, and don't ever let them tell you different. There will always be times when you doubt yourself and what you're capable of. But hey, usually you wind up getting through it eventually anyhow. You always do.

So with all that said, just trust in yourself to do the right thing, and be sure to stay positive for as much as you can. That is of course until something comes up that requires you to act like a rage-fueled-curse spewing-psychopath. Because there's bound to be more then one thing that'll end up setting you off. Like the Ghostbusters reboot... yes, seriously.

Anywho I best be off. Take care of yourself my young friend. And Godspeed.